The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
