I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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