I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
