We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
