I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
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