You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
