A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize