would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
