I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
And then my night got REAL pukey
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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