I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
