Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
