Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
