Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize