stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
