Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
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