Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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