She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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