Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
