a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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