I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
