Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
