my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize