You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
