We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize