I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
