The maid of honor just puked.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
