Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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