am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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