ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
