She is in my trunk
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
