you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
