I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize