the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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