im drinking this country out of the recession.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize