god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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