you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
