i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
