Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
