TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
They are going to name an STD after you.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
