I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize
