If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
