either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
