i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize