just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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