3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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