low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
