I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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