if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just want to make out with him forever
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
