Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My dad just said "fuck circus"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
