I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
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