I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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