I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize