It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
