Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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