Heybabeimwearingurpanties
just tell him i said nine months
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
