My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
