I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Bring me that man meat
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
