it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I have grass duct taped all over my body
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
