i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
