People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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