You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
