Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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