she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
