I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
