So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
