i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
