im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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