It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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