I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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