I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
