things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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