Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Randomize
