I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
