I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We were destined to go to rehab together
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
