Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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