Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
