sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
