In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
