i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
