So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
