Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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