I haven't been this sober since birth.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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