somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
