just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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