Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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