I wish I could teleport
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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