In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
