It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize