Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
