Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
This is the high leading the old right now
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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