Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
this must be what syphilis tastes like
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
