My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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