Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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