eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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