I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
