which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize