Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
