i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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