Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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