is your mom at the bar?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
