If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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