He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize