You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
