Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
